This one is a little long, and mopey, so if you're not up for that, skip it and come back next post -- I'll understand.
I kind of figured this would happen at some point this year. Usually it hits me after the Christmas rush, when I'm so exhausted and burned out I can't stand it. But right now, I'm just in such a blue funk that I wonder if I'll be able to muster my enthusiasm for jewelry design ever again.
Or let me put it this way. I can keep going with the status quo, making what I've been making for the past five or six years. But making new things, expanding my horizons? I wonder if I have it in me.
I know a lot of my problem is living in constant pain. When my eyes and head and neck are always hurting, I can't think, let alone follow tutorial directions or dream up new ideas. I see the creative world passing me by and it bothers me -- but I feel powerless to stop it.
I buy new beads, bring them home -- and stare at them blankly. My head hurts. My heart is sad. Something has to give.
Home life is just fine -- my husband is supportive and says it doesn't matter if I sell another thing, that this year is for rest, and to play, and to not worry. But for me, this year was to play, yes, and to rest, yes, but to LEARN, and to EXPLORE. And many days all I can explore is the back of my eyelids as I squench them shut in pain.
Crap. This is such a lousy post. I'm sorry.
There have to be others out there that feel this way, or have felt this way at times, who can share with me their stories. I feel alone, like I'm being left behind and will never find my voice again. I feel I have it in me -- it just isn't stronger than the pain.
What do I do? I fear losing customers, losing momentum, losing ... it. Whatever "it" happens to be on any given day.
If you've read this far, thank you. If you stick with my blog, I promise this won't be the mood or content of future posts. But I felt I owed it to myself to just this post explore my soul as well as my art and try to figure out just where I'm going in all of this.
Comments are gratefully accepted.
*****
I kind of figured this would happen at some point this year. Usually it hits me after the Christmas rush, when I'm so exhausted and burned out I can't stand it. But right now, I'm just in such a blue funk that I wonder if I'll be able to muster my enthusiasm for jewelry design ever again.
Or let me put it this way. I can keep going with the status quo, making what I've been making for the past five or six years. But making new things, expanding my horizons? I wonder if I have it in me.
I know a lot of my problem is living in constant pain. When my eyes and head and neck are always hurting, I can't think, let alone follow tutorial directions or dream up new ideas. I see the creative world passing me by and it bothers me -- but I feel powerless to stop it.
I buy new beads, bring them home -- and stare at them blankly. My head hurts. My heart is sad. Something has to give.
Home life is just fine -- my husband is supportive and says it doesn't matter if I sell another thing, that this year is for rest, and to play, and to not worry. But for me, this year was to play, yes, and to rest, yes, but to LEARN, and to EXPLORE. And many days all I can explore is the back of my eyelids as I squench them shut in pain.
Crap. This is such a lousy post. I'm sorry.
There have to be others out there that feel this way, or have felt this way at times, who can share with me their stories. I feel alone, like I'm being left behind and will never find my voice again. I feel I have it in me -- it just isn't stronger than the pain.
What do I do? I fear losing customers, losing momentum, losing ... it. Whatever "it" happens to be on any given day.
If you've read this far, thank you. If you stick with my blog, I promise this won't be the mood or content of future posts. But I felt I owed it to myself to just this post explore my soul as well as my art and try to figure out just where I'm going in all of this.
Comments are gratefully accepted.
